carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
