yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
