So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
