we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
