Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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