I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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