Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
