Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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