dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
