WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
