Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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