Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
