i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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