and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
