i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
