I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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