Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
