You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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