i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
