Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
