Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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