Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
