I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
