when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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