I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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