Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and she was petting her beer can
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
