Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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