these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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