I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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