i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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