You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
