tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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