So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
