quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
