The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
