A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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