But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
