Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
