you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
