Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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