Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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