I am spending my child support on dildos
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
