I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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