I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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