I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
