Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
