and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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