you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
