everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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