Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
