I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
