you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
