I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
