You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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