Kiss
Puke
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
