Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
